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THE BAG MAN [from Chapter 13: Fashion Faux Pa]
   
    When you have a child, leaving your house becomes an event unto itself. The number of items you need to tote along keeps rising, and preparing to go out for a short afternoon stroll begins to look like you’re packing for a year abroad. When you were a baby, you were probably carried out with nothing more than a spare diaper, a bottle, and possibly some Saltines in case you got a rumbly tummy. Today, the checklist just keeps getting longer: You need diapers, wipes, bibs, pacifiers, teething rings, a few changes of clothes, diaper rash cream, medicines, droppers, Band-Aids, a bottle of formula and a bottle of water (or a drink box for toddlers), several books, a selection of toys large enough to cover any form of stimulation (mental, oral, tactile), at least four baggies loaded with various snack choices, ad infinitum. The idea behind the overpacking is that you, as a good parent, need to be prepared not only for any kind of emergency, but also for the proper appeasement of whatever mood should strike your baby while you are out. Why else would you hear playground conversations like this:


    TODDLER: Hungry.
    MOTHER: Cracker?
    TODDLER: No.
    MOTHER: Carrot stick?
    TODDLER: Uh-uh.
    MOTHER: Raisins?
    TODDLER: Don’t like.
    MOTHER: Apple slice?
    TODDLER: No.
    MOTHER: Cookie?
    TODDLER: Want breadstick.
    MOTHER: Okay, sweetie, let’s head back home.

    So the question arises: How are you going to carry all this crap? If you have any crazy ideas about throwing everything into a backpack, wipe those thoughts from your mind immediately. In an uncategorized jumble, milk will leak onto dry diapers, crayons will leave marks on library books, dried fruit bits will gum up the joints of posable dolls: No, you need different pockets for everything –– pockets with lining. This is the governing principle behind the diaper bag.
   
    If you’re a man willing to tote around the over-the-shoulder pocketbook-style bag your wife bought, more power to you. But you no longer need to: An increasing number of companies are offering “dad bags.” And there are some nice looking ones out there. The hippest models come in messenger-bag style, sometimes constructed of pre-weathered leather, and from the outside, give no hint that they contain rubber nipples. The manliest of the dad bags are rugged, weatherproof, flap-happy backpacks –– because nothing says “virility” like superfluous pockets. They come in testosterone friendly colors like navy, gray, khaki, and camouflage (so you and your baby can sneak up on deer together), and load you down with more straps and pull-cords than the average skydiver. They will make you appear as if you are on your way to scale K2 rather than replenish your supply of sippy-cup lids.
   
    Does your family really need to spend money on a second bag just so you won’t have to carry something remotely purse-like in public? On the other hand, shouldn’t we be heartened by the fact that these baby-goods companies are taking the rare step of considering fathers part of their customer base and beginning to design products specifically for them? But, then again, isn’t the presumed need for a separate “male” diaper bag based entirely on gender stereotypes? And when it comes right down to it, shouldn’t we admit that guys just like cool stuff? These are all good questions.